more SF on father

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my father hated me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to mourn the father I never had

I forgive myself that I haven´t allowed and accepted myself to realize that a father is a mind consciousness system placement within and as a being and not who that being really is

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I missed out on something by not having a father

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience sadness for apparently not having a father

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a perception and a definition of what a father should be like

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself for my fathers behaviour instead of realizing that this was his programming and not who he really was

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to loathe and despise the traits and similarities in me that I downloaded from my father

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate mysefl from my father

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my father for all the shit that has happened in my life instead of realizing that that is self deception and a way to try and run from facing myself and taking full responsibility for myself and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become - I am responsible for me in every moment of every breath

I forgive myself that I haven´t allowed and accepted myself to be grateful for my fathers placement in my life because it was specific and assisted me in facing aspects of me and my allowances so that I can stand absolute in self honesty and self trust and realize who i really am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my father

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience fear

I am stability- solid - no matter what stable. With that fear does not exist. I am HERE.
The experience of this stability is absolute. It is absolutely absolute. My foundation that cannot brake, that cannot crack, that cannot change, that cannot vanish. It is me, who I am.

Now, I have experiecend this at other stages withinthis process. And for the last couple of days I experienced it again. When I allow me to just be, within self trust, is when I am stability.
Ofcourse I always am, I just dont always realize it.

I dreamt last night, but even though the dream was clear as I woke up this morning, I cant really recall it now. I do recall noticing and observing myself in the dream though, as I do all the time within process when awake, and that was the first time I actually noticed that in a dream.
So, the next step will be to actually apply self forgiveness as I do awake in the dream too, immediately and specifically.

I have also noticed a change in my approach to the chat on the forum. There is not much to say.
There is very little going on so I am simply silent. I just observe me, and see if there are any reactions, and I´ll apply sf accordingly. So the next step would be to vlog.
It feels a natural step to take - and a brilliant opportunity to observe myself and my behaviors.
I am purifying it all- amalgamating with it all - until I am all one and equal to all and everything within existence.

The number of times I have sat down now infront of this blog in the last week and not had any clue what to write are numerous.

So, clearly some points within that needs dealing with.

Firstly there was this thought;: Ok - shit - I HAVE to keep writing in my blog, because any resistance of doing so or just the lack of self dicipline if not doing it is telling me I´m allowing my mind to yet again direct me instead of ME directing me.

If words does not flow unconditionally from me as me - then clearly I´d have to look at that point within and direct me accordingly.

I have been procrastinating a lot lately. And it is inexusable. And noone can do this for me - I have to walk through it all - all alone.

The very fact that I am not at this moment in time living in a house for me and the children clearly speaks volumes. if you do not live immediately the words you speak then you are not one and equal to your words but separate. And all I ever wait for is myself. I cannot blame anythign or anyone because I create my world and my reality.

I create what I allow and I create my experience of me. The big question then is why do I wait?

Why do I allow waiting?

And the answer to this question is simple, because it is always simple, apply self honesty and all is very simple:

F E A R OF L O S S

so exactly what does this fear of loss entail:

fear of losing my children

fear or losing my life as I have known it

fear of losing the comfort my life entails

fear of survival

I look at this and cannot allow any beating up of myself because I have allowed all of this in the first place when I KNOW fears are illusional and irrational.

I have to look at it and apply myself accordingly in the realization that this is a process, and there are many layers to go through. There are points I have clearly missed while applying self forgiveness previously on these points. If you do not get to the core, the root of it though, it will keep on going like som old really bad broken record until you find the root and UP root it.

There are in all probablility sub and unconscious points here that obviously are less apparent now, but as I go through with the self forgiveness in self honesty I will uncover it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually believe that I must be doing something wrong within this process since the points I thought I had transcended STILL remain - instead of realizing that this is a process - layer upon layer and that there are points to uncover as I go along

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to procrastinate in my life when this is unacceptable - I do not allow or accept anything less from me than who I am no matter what - and there are NO excuses - I am here - and I get it done for me as me as all as one in oneness and equality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing my children

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that it is impossible to lose my children - the children are one and equal to me - so how can I lose me - I am here - infinite - stable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually believe that the children are MY children when it is impossible to own anything or anyone. The children in my life are beings one and equal to me - whom I assist and care for as I care for myself - unconditionally

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the children or any other being in existance

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate "my" children from other children

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience judgment within

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that noone but me should raise the children - all others simply not good enough and in that both judging and separating me from myself and others since we are all one and equal - and the reason for this fear is the very separation we have all allowed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself because in realizing we are all one and equal I realize by looking at the world reflected back upon me what I am capable of and that I haven´t accepted and allowed myself to fully realize and take responsability for what I accept and allow which is a direct cause for the separation in this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing the children out of fear of being alone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear regretting the way I script my life "when it comes down to it" and live it instead of realizing that for the first time ever do I actually understand that I script my life and my reality and in that realization script it according to and as oneness and equality and in that actually live for the first time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear living

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear taking full self responsability when I now realize the full implications of that statement

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to survive

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still not fully grasp that fear is ILLUSIONAL - it does not exist - it is a mind created illusion to keep me enslaved

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear realizing who I really am since all I have ever known is mind - and mind is not who I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear insanity

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear judgment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still not trust myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing everything - not having a home and the comfort that entails

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear survival

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not geting a job that will sustain me and the children

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being cold and hungry

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being homeless

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at money as more than me when I am one and exual to all manifestations in existanse - money no more or less than me - money is

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have my life be directed by money instead of me directing me and in that actually giving money power over me - making it more than me when it is not

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed and accepted myself to amalgamate with all - since I am all - one and equal - no separation

I forgive myself that I havent allowed and accepted myself to embrace all that is me in existance- unconditionally and from and within that stand up and STOP

till here no further

I do not allow myself to experience separation, fear, guilt or any reaction within and of mind - that is not who I am
I direct myself in every moment of every breath
I give myself permission to enjoy my process in absolute self trust and self honesty
I give myself permission to enjoy my life within process
I give myself permission to have enough money in my life - I am money - one and equal
I give myself permission to totally let go of mind since I am not my mind
I am here
I am life
I am one and equal to all in oneness and equality
I dedicate my life to process so that me as all will be able to stand as one and equal in self realization- no matter what it takes I get it done