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Monday 26 January 2009

Today I had a meeting with one of the "teachers", or is it called "lecturer" at my local school. I had never met or spoken to him face to face, only a couple of short emails.
So, this person was totaly "new" to me.

As I was driving home I saw ver clearly the obvious way in which my mind works, this particular program running that occurs when my "personality suit" runs one of its system programs as follows.

Image storing > beings > faces >

Stand face to face with another being for the first time> system start > scan face, note the looks of the being in order to categorize
>categorization - look for files where similar images of faces occur >place into that file
>look at and initialize what is connected to this file by scanning for memories tied in with reactions connected to another being with similarities to new being and kick in - judgement, comparison
> check for other possible similarities associated with memories and reactions in the past, assimilate those and >
system recharge by experiencing similar reactions within towards " a partivular kind of being" whom in my past I have experienced myself towards

So then if this continues I get reactions within based on past ideas, definitions, reactions, experiences, memories allocated to this other now scanned being, which is calculated and categorized according to "personalities" that I have met or known in the past.
next will then come the "feeding" of the system which is all the emotions, feelings and thoughts this kicks of.

It was soo fucking obvious as I was driving home. I saw the whole thing from beginning to end. So S t O P. No more automatic system "kick ins". I direct myself here within and as every breath.

This was cool though, it allows me to clearly see the systems so that I can deal with them accordingly.
Fascinating systematic behavior, and its so obvious.
SF to follow


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as soon as I meet another being as me that I havent seen with my human physical eyes I allow a program to run which judges and compares this being to other beings I have met in my past of which I have had relationship to or with or merely just seen

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in my mind create images of the beings I have not met in the physical dependant on what they sound like or how they express themselves in words although the manifestation the being is currently in is totally and utterly irrelevant to who that particular being really is

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not immediately stop this programmed reactive habitual behavior when meeting another being in the physical or communicating with the being in any way - only mind desires wants and needs images and pictures, I am not limited to my mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be self aware when meeting another being as me in the physical for the first time instead of simply remaining here within and as breath and direct myself in the moment accordingly

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have placed any value in images and pictures - images and pictures which are not real but merely mind interpretations of what is really here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not immediately stop this preprogrammed, habitual and reactive behavior but instead allowed myself to follow it and only notice what I was accepting after activating and running the program which is unacceptable - I stop immediately

I do not accept or allow any preprogrammed reactive, habitual behaviors of any kind.
I do not accept or allow myself to believe that it is possible to "not notice" a preprogrammed behavior start which is self deceptive and totally unacceptable - I see absolutely everything I allow and accept myself to be one and equal to in every moment - there are no excuses.
I stop. No more. I direct me in every moment of breath according to and as the principle of oneness and equality. Everything I do, every moment here I live as the principle of oneness and equality as all, and what supports and assist life as all as one in oneness and equality until all is here, amalgamated as life eternally.
No more separation. No more limitation. I stand. I walk in absolute self trust and stability here.

Wednesday 14 January 2009

moments within

yesterday I was sitting in bed after writing sf. It was silent, the children were sleeping, and I was just sitting there enjoying myself within this silence. Breathing. The only sounds were breathing and the house creaking. As I sat there this joy welled up from within, it was just here, and I sat there merging with this joy, and I said to myself, wow! This is here always, its here, yet when I live within my mind, my head, I dont see it.  This joy is me, because it was all of me, it was in all of me and it was absolutely awesome. 

So then for me to have decided to live within my mind for all my life, has actually chosen the prison that it entails, because within my mind, everything is misery and pain and suffering, and I experience the occational up, but mostly it is down, a very sober, rather miserable existecence.

But within this joy that is here, all exist, I dont and cannot deny what is here, and its not rosy and peachy, but I see that this joy is me, and I suppose this joy is life itself. Because life just is, always have been and always will be, it is eternal and absolute, constant, stable, and cannot ever be harmed in any way, cannot go away, vanish, end. 

I am life, as all as one, and within that there is absolute self trust and self stability. Life can never fail, how can it, when life is all.

It gets easier to see what is real and what isnt. As I walk this process, I become the process. I live it, breathe it because its all me. And I become aware of my body, of everything within, every little movement , every little pain. I am learning to listen to my body, trust myself as my body.

My body will bring me right back here if I allow myself to "lose" myself in my mind, and I cannot deny that or suppress it because it is here and its real and its physical!

Cutting down the sweet intake hasnt been all that hard. No chocolate, no sweets, no icecream, and a lot more fruit. Also cut down radically the amount of coca cola which I have been addicted to. peeling of the addictions one by one. Increasing water intake

Experiencing some physical pain in my legs, muscles, a bit like when you have the flue or is about to get it, that strange pain that follows with that.

I am enjoying myself!