focusing on relATEiONshIps

as I was driving back alone last night I was looking at relationships again, and how I had lived my entire adult life according to the opinion I had created of how I wanted and desired relationships to be for them to be worthy, or for them to last.
And it was clear that all that I had placed within the concept or relationships was nothing but beliefs, opinions such as> absolute honesty, "real" affection, liking eachother, unconditionally accepting eachother, seeing and hearing eachother, respecting eachother, honoring eachother, supporting eachoter uncondtionally, and this idea, I find it difficult to place words on it to be able to explain it, but something like this> having a deep and sensere, REAL connection, wherein we understand eachoter, and value eachother, where there is this equality and a knowing that we are always there for eachoter no matter what, and this runs to the core of us and cannot be altered because it becomes us, and within that there is freedom to be and enjoy eachother unconditionally.
And as I was looking at this while driving, speaking out loud, talking to myself as I tend to do, I realized that not only is it obvious that I could never have found that relationship the way they are defined by human beings currently. What is also obvious that what I always considered being a "worthy" relationship, one there would be a point in entering was actually an agreement, because now, when i realize and understand what an agreement is, I see that this is what I would use as some form of "mold", where I attempted to fit in relationships of this world and that could ofcourse never work. Hence no relationship ever worked out.
And also, considering that even with a view on relationships as most human beings have, where they look for "good sex" or "affection" or "security" etc and then attempt to search for this other being to apparently fulfil these desires, most never even take into consideration that there must be as many different desires within relationships as there are opinions on this planet what are the odds for you actually finding what you desire? Zilch! Yet the search is always on and always end up in tears eventually. And at some point you will "lower" your standards not to feel alone, thinking that maybe they will change, maybe you can change them, but obviously this cannot happen, it is impossible.

Its strange how humans never stop and look at what they are doing. Why would I desire another being? That implies that somehow I am not complete, somehow I cannot function unless I have got another being here with me, who can tell me how wonderful I am , how great I am and constantly prove to me that I am worthy of existing, because if another wants to be in a relationship with me then clearly I must exist, clearly I am great, I am ok, Im likeable. How can that be real? Something that will only last for a while and then slowly wither and die. If it does not remain, as it was and always had been, it is not real.
Instead of seeing that when I like myself unconditionally, I do not need anyone else to like me, it would not affect me in any way.
when I love myself unconditionally I do not need or desire anyone elses love, I realize that I am complete.
when I am self intimate with me, absolutely and unconditionally I see that I do not desire or need intimacy with another in separation of me.
Humans constanly search for what is already here within. That is sad.