Friday, 13 March 2009

directing self and taking decision

Directing self, taking self responsibility. making the decision to take self responsibility and then direct self.
What does it mean to take self responsibility?
It is to firstly realize the common sense in that we are all one and equal. The fact that noone is above or below another, no matter what physical body currently in.
Taking self responsibility for myself and all my allowances that has led me to this and my experience of myself and my world.
And directing within the starting point of what is best for all one and equal.

When you go through this phase, which we will all go through like it or not, in one way or another, you are initially confused because all your beliefs, all your ideas about what was real and how things were, you proof to yourself as you go along was nothing but illusions, and just that, ideas, nothing more nothing less. None of them actually real, or consistent, standing no matter what. That is a bit of a cold shower! And then you test yourself, because you will either accept this and then deal with all the shit that reveals within accordingly through self forgiveness or you will "shut down" and simply say, "nah, not for me, totally luney, I wont listen to a word".

There are similar "stages" that we all go through in this re birthing of self. and as you go along self trust starts to build, and stability. because as you apply self forgiveness, as you assist yourself, stability is noticed, the stability that is you and that has always been here but that you were too busy being miserable to notice.
This self trust and stability is and has been one of the most major parts for me so far. When absolute stability, absolute in self trust, there is nothing and noone that has any affect on you in any way whatsoever.

I have fallen so many times, allowed self doubt, self pity, regret, and I wanted to just not give a fuck. But I realized that wtf else is there? I cannot "go back" to the unawareness I used to live in, I cant go back to all of that, that was all self created and not real. So what else is threre? No matter what I do i will be here. I cant escape frommyself, no matter what. i cant run, id better start getting it done. And so you push through. You fall, and you stand. Until its all done, and we all stand here, in full awareness and self realization.

So far into this process I have had to make tough decisions, and I have had to do and act in ways which has requiered courage and self trust. I cant do what I used to and only think of what is best for me and the children, my family. I have to take all as one as equal into consideration, all I do has to be from that starting point. As soon as I do not, then I allow separation, one of the main allowances that has gotten us into this pit in the first place. Jack once said he had no "guidelines" no "map" to walk his process, and that is so for all of us. We can assist and support eachother but ultimately we are all alone. So, not to be hard on myself, to be patient, to remain here breathing, and keep on applying self forgiveness, I get it done.

I still got many points to release, and more reveal as I go along. But its cool. I am here. I will always remain here.

Walking through this, there is immense sadness for what we have done to ourselves, and all teh suffering involved that was the direct cause of it. All so unecessary, and none of it can be undone. We will simply have to keep on moving, because the abuse will not stop until we all stop.


Anonymous said...

Hi where are you?

Jozien Fokkert said...

Marianne WTF?
Where are you????
Come out come out where ever you are!