moving in the matrix

It has been an interesting week. Facing myself in all ways, always. I used to live as if I could take "brakes" from process, where I somehow perceived it to be something I could switch on and of. lolol Nope. Doesnt work like that. Within that I managed to create endless loops.

I have placed myself in situations where I would previously have done anything to "not go there", meeting strangers, having to be social, whatevever the fuck that means.
There is this immense stability though, where I will push myself and do whatever necessary, place myself wherever necessary and do what has to be done. The "core" of me is stable. Absolutely stable. And that is soooo cool. I know that whatever happens, whoever I meet, whatever anyone do or say, I still remain. I really do still remain. This stability is me.

So, the stability as me is here. Still self trust is not lived.
The following points revealed as I have expereinced this week>
1. Feeling "uncomfortable" around others. Feeling "out of place", sticking out. Literally as if you were picked up and placed on a different planet, where you are a totally different species and then to interact accordingly in this new environment. It is fascinating because it is such separation. Even if I wre on a different planet lol, then why would I be any different? Why is there a perception of not being one and equal no matter what. Ok, all are walking talking systems, totally alien to life, so am I somehow placing myself "above" others. Is there something still lurking with this. Why else would I experience alienation. Absolutely all is me, one and equal. All in exsistence. There is no difference. Now I face ALL of me, face all separation head on, face all the systems, and there are billions here!!!

2. Facing the mother matrix system within and as my mother. This was interesting. Every time we meet I see clearer what she is doing and why she is experiencing her the way she does.
She feels safe within her fears. She have created a world in which she is in constant physical and mental pain so that she can feel alive, feel as if she exists. Because she never could get the validation that she exist she will validate it through pain because of no self worth. This has become her entire life experience, to the extent she fears letting go of her self created hell and so will hold on for dear life. Refuse to see that SHE is responsible for it all , noone and nothing else.
I can see she is totally fucked within this. All I can do is remain here, stable, and assist if and when she directly comes to me. The solution is herself, its right here under her nose, but she refuse to see.

3.Images. Images I m ages. This is a point that is here , and that I still havent released. The obsessions with pictures, picture presentations. And its funny, because I have proved to myself that they are not real , I KNOW that its my minds interpretation of a reflection, within and as this reality, and still I somehow value that. That is an addiction. I have been addicted to my mind imagery for all my existence. And I have believed that it is a correct representation of life itself, the way it is. The images holds no value, all values are opinions and beliefs, made in separation. How can an image of any kind be valid or valued when its an idea. It is created within and as my mind through my eyes, and not constant, not something that will stand the test of time, so it cannot be real. How can any value or importance be placed in an illusion?! That is rediculous.

So, I got some "material" to work with here. A lot os self forgiveness points.