anger and the root of it

tonight on the chat Andrea assisted me to actually see clearly, for the first time ever where my anger , immense anger that I have carried around within me for all my life originates from. So, Im going to uproot this anger and amalgate with it all, become equal and one to it:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have based my view on men on the anger and resentment I felt towards my father since he could never unconditionally love himself as me and unconditionally assist me and care for me as a child

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to carry this anger within me through all my life, and actually have that anger be the base for all my relationships to men from then on

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually have allowed myself to compound the anger for men even more based on the abuse by Lars when I was a child

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so consumed by this anger towards men, the total betrayal that I experienced with all men I met, that all relationships were doomed from the start

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to hate men

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to be discusted by men

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate me from men

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from anger

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take my anger out on all men I met so that I could make sure they all hated me and in that way I made sure they stayed away, I was "safe" instead of actually realizing that I was running away from me and what I have allowed

I forgive myself that I haven´t allowed and accepted myself to realize that my self abuse regarding men and relationships was hidden behind the illusion I created in my mind that I was using them, I was in control instead of seeing that anger was controlling me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually deny that there was also a part of me that still was this little girl, that was looking for her father, to take care of her, to nurture her, to look after her, be there for her, love her unconditionally hug her, laugh with her,
all that which was never there - hence I kept searching - looking - trying to find somethign to fill that void within me, instead of realizing that could never be found

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my father

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at men as inferiour and actually in general quite limited and stupid

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate mysefl from men

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate me from Lars

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to remain closed to never let any man see me as who I really am, building a wall, because no man was ever good enough to experience me, the essence of me - this part was alwasy sealed off - no man ever deemed good enough or worthy of experiencing that instead of allowing myself to realize that I was punishing me - continuing to abuse myself by allowing that within

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear men

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider men strange, sex obsessed, dishonest, manipulative, self obsessed, ego manifestations - the very opposite of woman

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be consumed within polarities and in that actually support and assist the manifestation of polarization and separation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become so consumed by anger that I lost myself and remained in a loop with relationships based ón anger and resentment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress me as who i really am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually believe that I needed a relationship of any kind

Till here no further:
I release all the anger within me. Anger - is me. One and equal. Anger is an illusion - a mind manifested system - not real.
Man - I - me - one and equal.
All that I have allowed within my life has been self created. It is all me, all I.
Men - women - children, all manifestations and all beings one and equal.
I embrace it all within me. I stand here- as all as one. I take responsability for me, for all as who I really am and for all I have allowed and accepted to exist.
And within this I stop. I do not allow or accept anything less than who I really am, than who we are as all as one in oneness and equality.