my experience of me

I have got this joy bubbeling up inside. it´s like its just pouring out and then welling over, and in a moment it can bring tears to my eyes. Happy tears lol

And to me that is strange, because I rarely experience this. In fact, for most of my life it has been anger only, or anger in various forms and various strenght.

I have no idea what it is, but its cool, and Id like it to remain. But then how can it not, since it is me, it´s a part of me, another expression of me.
It´s just that this part has been suppressed for a very long time. I have denied me to feel anything but anger, because in my eyes how could I possibly allow myself to feel joy, I wasn´t worthy of that.
How silly!
Because I am all there is. I am everything - equal and one to everything.

I notice a difference in my children too. In particular Ella. She makes very expressive drawings, images and contructions she´s never done before. Earlier today she drew a few lines on a piece of paper, passed it to me and said; "Mummy, this is you and me and this is the machine we came out of." She draws a lot. Usually different kind of machines, and creatures, birds and flowers.
And she can rarely walk past a musical instrument without playing a little bit on it. And she sings, she always sings.
I am enjoying me , us much more then I have ever done.