the massive masses

Today me and the children spent the day in this indoor play area for children. I had plenty of time there to observe beings and their family constructs and behaviours.

Also plenty of time ot observe myself and any reactions, thoughts, feelings and emotions that were triggered.


The very first issue that arises is with the wardrobe lady. Her swedish is not very good, and I cannot really understand what she is saying so I ask her to repeat herself and as I do this, I notice within that I am actually sensing irriation there towards her. She is actually irritating me since I cannot understand or hear her properly.



SO:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience irritation within me towards the wardrobe lady


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let mind direct me and in that feel irritated towards another being


I forgive myself that I have actually believed that there is such a thing as irritation - it is nothing but an illusional mind based creation and hence not real


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and blame this being as not being able to speak swedish properly and that she should be more dedicated to get it right

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to put any value in being able to speak a language properly



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from any other being and not immediately realize that she was mirroring me and what I have allowed myself to become and exist within me



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel embarassed that I have allowed and accepted mind to direct me in such a way



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel superiour to any other being in existance

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spearate myself from the wardrobe lady instead or realizing we are all one and equal

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dislike myself and all that I have allowed as a mind CONsciousness system



Till here no further:

I do not allow or accept any separation, judgment, feelings, thoughts, emotions, pictures or memories to direct or influence me in any way,.

I am life. I am one and equal as all as one in oneness and equality. I direct me.



As I am walking around in there I´m also struck by the enormous amount of beings that will have to realize themselves as who they really are and it seems massive, such a massive procedure and task at hand.

It just dawns on me, the vastness of all this, all the millions of people, I mean , just the people in here with me - that just seems to be going along like all is fine, like nothing has happened or is happening - like the world is ok.

but then I remember that I have to focus on me and nothing else. If I am somewhere out there I am not present and dedicated to process to get it done.


I also notice within me that I try to avoid any eye contact or any interaction from anyone. I am there but Id rather not be sort of thing.

Im not remotely interested in any conversation with anyone at all.
I then realize there is shyness, unease, fear, fear of having to confront anyóne, of having to be confronted by anyone. having to enter into a polite social conversation of sorts that I would just loathe, and feel cringy about, and then worry what to say etc etc etc.
Clearly I am allowing my mind here to direct me, and I alctually allow it.

I now realize that this was not only a nice day out for the kids with the kids, its also a test for me, and clearly, I will have to face this fear, and release it.

So what would I say or do if anyone talked to me or approached me?
What would be the worse thing that could possibly happen? Would I keel over and die?

I have to realize that it is to be here, as who i am in every moment. In that way I am me, there is no looking ahead of what might or might not happen. Not living in the past and not living int he future but HERE in the moment.
And then what unfolds unfolds, and so I live from moment to moment in breath in awareness.

I still "forget" this, and allow myself to go off in some sort of mindcreated illusion yet again.

Till here no further! I direct me, I do not allow or accept mind to direct me in any way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be here, in the moment, present, as who I really am in every breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not apply myself in every moment of every breath

I forgive myself thatt I have accepted and allowed myself to feel out of place and to allow mind to direct me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the beings around me instead of realizing we are ALL one and equal and that whatever I notice regarding those beings is me reflecting me to me and has got nothing to do with the being itself