ANGER - Frustration - sadness

*This is one of the omitted self forgiveness applications I wrote this morning after allowing my mind to trip me up in emotions, thoughts, and feelings..not a "pretty" read*


Fucking bloody fucked up damn bastard hell - damn - fuck uc k FFFFUUUCKKKK

I am so fucking angry right now I could explode.



I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to snap and lose my patience with my children, and subsequently be as guilty as anyone to shout and scream because NOONE ever fucking listens. I can be talking to the fucking wall all day and get a better response.



WHHHHYYYYYY?? is it that I can never seem to have peace and quiet. That nothing is ever ever ever the way "it should be"??

Why do I lose me?? Why do I feel like the bloody world is on my shoulders, and noone and nothing shares the shit with me??



I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to shout at my dauhgter to stop kicking her brother after asking her to stop it for the eleventh time and in that actually giving my power away to my mind, and allow it to direct me, and become emotional an frustrated and then experience guilt because in that very moment, it reminded me of my father, and all I experienced with him, and then I am in disbelief that I could allow me to lose me



I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to be so fucking angry at C for never ever ever ever ever fucking being there to support an assist me as he is supposed to since we have got cildren together, and I get angry and frustrated because not a fucking soul understands wat it is really like to be in a relationship with no support, no asssitance what so ever



I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to get so fucking angry at is parents for being in such total ignorance to what their son really is like, they have got no fucking idea, and if they did, the shock of it would probably kill them since they are separation personified - one ness and equality is a concept they will only get once they die



I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to get so pissing angry at me for entering this fucking relationship, for being so stupid as to actually get married and being so irresponsible as to have kids when the world is so utterly fucked up as it is



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand up for me no matter what, no matter who I am facing, because in not doing that, I am suppressing me and hence I create anger within instead, anger for not having the guts to be wo I really am, in one ness and equality no matter what



I forgive myself that I have allowed fear to control me and my life rather than me taking control of my life and directing me accordingly in self honesty in every moment of every breath



I forgive myself that I have allowed fear to control my life, fear of my father, fear of society, fear of loneliness, fear of poverty, fear of debt, fear of C, fear of death, fear of losing all I´ve got, fear of responsability, fear of fear, fear of life, fear of standing alone, fear of pain, fear of suffering, fear of authority, fear of facing me, fear of truth, fear of self honesty, fear of self deception, fear of walking the process, fear o violence, fear of consequences, fear of punishment, fear of losing my children, fear of losing the house, fear of money , absolutely all fears under the sun and in that totally and utterly orgetting that fear does not exist. It is a mind creation. Who I really am cannot experience fear- so fear is illusionary.



I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear my self honesty because it will inevitably tip my world up side down, and one part o me is terrified and the other elated because self honesty and practical application in every moment is the only way out of this shit, and also inevitable for each and every one



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put blame on someone or something outside of me for what I am experiencing, not realizing that we are all equal and one, and that I experience what i allow in my life, hence the only one to blame is me



I forgive myself that I have allowed mysel to experience guilt for my lack of patience, for my allowances of still forgetting who I really am and falling into the mind consciousness trap with all that entails