The subtle divide between self honesty and self dishonesty

I was sitting here reading back on my posts, and had a few realizations.

This process entails the dedication of self to live and become self honesty in application of every moment of every breath. Of realizing who we really are in oneness and equality, so that we can stop this current hellish reality and eventually all realize ourselves and create a reality where all can express ourselves as who we really are in oneness and equality.

So - it is to apply self trust and then practically apply self honesty in every moment as we walk through our lives, no matter what.
And that is precisely what most find difficult. Because it is to actually always consider before acting - ok, now before I apply myself or say what I was going to say, does these words I am about to express support life as all as equal and one or not? Just to make a stop here before participating is something entirely new for most people.

And then there is the issue of what does and does not support oneness and equality??

So. here I apply self trust, and common sense, and then "check" that to see within me wether what I´m about to do is of mind and will support mind or if it is ok, and supportive of life as all as equal and one.

But then there seem to be layers here. So brutal self honesty is exactly that BRUTAL!
I have noticed that when I am writing a self forgiveness application, my mind tends to sometimes very very subtly "hold back". as in, well threre is this little issue here that applies to this situation, but its so minute that well leave it out shall we, because after all, it does not really affect the sitation as such, you have gotten the basics of it....an this little inner conversation by mind to mind is done in a millisecond ofcourse. So subtle that you could easily miss it at first glance which is also deceptive because it is impossible for me as who I really am to miss anything that goes on inside me, who I am is always totally aware

So all along, deep inside I KNOW what is going on, and its so very "easy" to ignore that and listen to the subtle mind fuck that is going on in that very moment, probably cause its so ingrained in us that we hardly notice it. Habitual.

I am guilty of this, and it just dawned on me that it is actually happened here in this blog of mine, and its totally unacceptable. Its like my mind is trying every way it can to trap me into old patterns of self deception and the obvious self destruction thereof.

Well , HA! I own up to it and I stop it now, immediately.
No half meassures, all the way in totallity otherwise it is useless. Ill remain in a continuous loop of self deception and never ever get out.

So, here goes>

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted my mind to try to subtly influence me when I apply self forgiveness so that some issues are "forgotten" or omitted as long as the main core of the issue comes out

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my mind to try to hold back in my forgivenessapplication due to fear, deeply ingrained fear of what might or might not happen if Im actually BRUTALLY self honest / forgetting that that is an illusion in itself - nothing can "happen" to me unless I allow it to

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my mind to have any influence or control over me what so ever

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to "beat" myself up over the fact that I havent acknowleged this before since it must have occured since the start and now I get really angry and frustrated because that means I am on square on again, and have to look at all and everything in my life to see if there was or is deception hidden anywhere

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to omit or decide to simply not publish some of my forgiveness applications due to fear of others peoples reactions and the consequences thereof / all illusionary and mind deception / mind fuck galore

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my mind can control, deceive or influence me in any way what so ever / mind cannot direct or control me in any way UNLESS I allow it to

Till here no further>
I do not accept my mind to direct or try to influence me in any way what so ever.
it is impossible for my mind to deceive me because who I am as life as one and equal simply cannot be deceived. I do not accept or allow any lies, half meassures, deceptions, excuses, avoidances, embarassments, fears to direct, inluence or control me in any way. I am life. I direct me. I am free. I am HERE, in every moment of every breath...

further sel forgiveness corrections to past posts to come