Jealosy - mind **** galore

I just have to comment to self first; I cannot believe I actually used **** instead of FUCK!!
What is that all about - ?? lol

anyway - oh dear - this really is a roller coaster -
So far in this process I can safely say that it is the most difficult, demanding, rewarding, important, scary and exhillirating venture I have ever applied myself to.
Sometimes it slike I take one step forth and three back - but at least I am applying myself in process - no matter what. I am walking through this - and I might be bruised in all shades under the sun, but I will get through it - NO MATTER WHAT.

I got a lot of issues within that has come forth in the last few days, but mostly yesterday and today. So , I will go through them and release with self forgiveness:

Firstly I have to say that I feel physically as if I have been run over by a huge truck. I am dazed, aching in strange places, stiff, I can tell that my mind consciousness system is putting up a big fight and trying all it can to keep its grip - well it aint gonna work. I will not stop until it is done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be jealous of Leila, Andrew and Ann , not to mention AMP's processes, since they are younger and will be more effective naturally and because of this I allow my mind to tell me that I will never make it, that they are soo lucky to not have had to go through what poor me has gone through and hence i feel envious instead of simply saying STOP! I do not allow my mind to control me or try to tell me I am anything less than equal and one to all beings in existence and that I accept me

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to feel inferior to Leila, Andrew, Ann and Amp on the forum not realizing that this is simply a mind construct and not real we are all one and equal

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not accept me, to not love me, to not realize that I am no more or less than any other being in existence

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get angry with myself for allowing such stupidity within me as to not simply stop all these thoughts , feelings and emotions once and for all and stop bloddy winging and just dedicate myself within process and get it done!

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to fear that I might one day end up like trey, lost yet again and back to square one because that to me would be far worse than just dying and doing a much tougher process in the dimensions

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to still allow any fear, doubt, insecurity, judgement, feelings, thoughts, emotions, pictures, sounds, smells, tastes to have any affect on me what so ever or have any association to eachother in any way - they are all mind consciousness constructs and NOT REAL

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let ego direct me by allowing it to want to get noticed, want support and affirmation, want to be heard, want to be seen, want support and assistance all the time, feel sorry for itself, feel let out without realizing that my ego is a major mind construct that I am deleting - erasing from within me and existance because that is not who I am.
Till here no further; I do not allow or accept any ego manifestation, any mind constructs or systems, any fear to direct me and control me in any way what so ever - I direct me as who I really am in oneness and equality in every moment of every breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be aware of my breath and be in every moment of every breath

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to get angry with me for allowing myself to get emotional when my son calls me names, because I apparently get hurt, and disappointed and believe him to not love me without realizing that this is not who I am, who I really am cannot ge hurt or disappointed hence only mind gets hurt

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to forget that my children are beigns just like me in oneness and equality

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to let my mind go of on a trip where it imagines different outcomes should this and that relationship agreement be entered without realizing that is a major mind trip and hence I STOP it immediately. I am here - I direct me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get frustrated because Bernard and Sunette and dimensional beins knows exactly the "outcome" and whether we will make it or not in this process and hence see each and alls processes and how they unfold and in that I doubt myself and my process becaue perhaps I´m "fucked" anway but have to discover this on my own not realizing that it´s about self trust and my application and not to allow mind to tell me or direct me in any way. STOP the mind.

I am life as all as one in oneness and equality. I am here in every moment of every breath - directing me to stop mind and to birth myself as who I really am in the physical.
And so I am until it is done.