Relationships (of all sorts)

I dunno, felt like sitting down and writing some. There is so much really to write and so I suppose it´s a matter of just diving in there., peeling of as it were...
I suppose I tend to compare myself to the other guys in process as well, which ofcourse is really really pathetic and of mind, but still in some way it also pushes me to overcome any resistance I might have as I go along depending on what stage I am at..

I read the chat earlier where Bernard says that it's a good idea to put in writing how to go about in different everyday situations where you´d "normally as a system" suppress you or and your opinions, or tell half lies to keep "the peace" as it were , and at first I thought, well , is it not more of a test for me personally to see how I apply myself in the moment? It almost seemed a bit like planning how I would/should in self honesty behave - but ofcourse, it is more like a pre-tending to a moment so that I might transcend any embarassement or as to make a particular moment smoother for me in my process.

So, i thought about some biggies I will face, it´s just a matter of time:

Inlaws coming to stay for a couple of weeks.
First within me check for any reactions of thoughts, feelings and emotions, whatever comes up within regarding them and then apply forgiveness until i am equal and one and clear.

Secondly: what points do I find "difficult" when they are here.

1) They always tend to "take over". As in, this is my domain, my house, where I live my life with the children as we like to live it, and we are content here, with how everyday life moves along.
Now, with taking over I mean stuff like;
Insisting to do all the dishes, after every meal. You might say, oh, that is very nice of them, but no, in my opinion I am "chased" out of the kitchen and told to go and do "my thing" while they clean up.
I have always in the past just humoured them, but boiled inside. It is very patronizing, and then I go, but ahh, WHY do I perceive anything to be patronizing no matter who it comes from?
Clearly I have not placed mysel as equal and one to them....
Also, instead of "humouring" them I could simply say what I feel and experience:

a)Actually, I would prefer to do the dishes. You are here visiting and can go and just relax after dinner, or do whatever you like. You are guests here for these to weeks. So I would really appreciate if you would leave the dishes to me.
(no matter what I say really will be met by disapproval and some sort of "nagging" game to make me comply with their wishes)

perhaps it wouldn´t be soo bad if the dishes were actually clean....most o the time I have to redo them, because I dont particulary like eating on half clean dishes...
So, ofcourse I could say,
b) listen, I prefer to do the dishes , I appreciate that you are offering to help me, but really, I prefer doing this.

or I could say:
C)
Ok, from now on I do the dishes since I have notice they are not as clean as I like them when you have done them, and also, I prefer to do the dishes when I am at home.

Ah. the bloody joys of everyday life with other human beings...

I suppose common sense would be to direct the situation effectively and to the point based on the expression that best would support oneness and equality..
So out of these three I suppose that I will choose a.

Secondly, the father inlaw has got a tendency to stick his nose where it does not belong. And that can be in any situation, such as me and husband having a discussion about whatever subject, he will then make noices at apropriate moments of dissaproval, mostly towards somehting that I have said, and that I find utterly unacceptable but still I allow it.
Last time they were here I cleared some of the air, and told him I´d prefer if he kept his comments and or opinions to himself since anything being ventured was between me and husband.
He managed to grunt something about blood being thicker than water (HA separation personified) but at that point I didn´t go in to the separation part.

So, next time he grunts when me and husband are having a dicussion I will just stop and simply say:
Listen John. I would appreciate if you did not make any noices of approval or disapproval during mine and Chris discussion since this has got nothing to do with you, but is a matter between the two of us as a couple. if you find that difficult to do, I would appreciate if you could leave the room.

Also to be aware of any reactions within me should this occur again and simply forgive and clear myself before I speak.

And then he has got a tendency to seem to take for granted that he can do as he pleases when it comes to seeing things that needs doing, it might be something that needs reparing, or it might be something that he sees would be better to do this or that way and then if you are unlcuky simply do it without your knowledge, if you are lucky he will state that this surely is the best way o doign a b and c and get grumpy if you happen to be of another opinion.

Now , I am a person who knows what I want. I know what i like and what works best for me.
I sort out problems on my own, build and mend as and when needed and I am effective in getting things done and determined when I have made a decision. I am relaively strong, and I can take care of myself and all that this house entails. I do not need a man of any sort to "help me out" in situations where he seems to allocate a certain job as a "mans job"
In my view - there is no such thing. I am a being - and so is he - and hence we treat eachother equally. Not so with this particular being.

There has been many occasions where >I simply leave him there muttering about something, and needing a screwdriver for this and that - I ignore him, and when I get the opportunity simply fix it myself. In that I have in the past been hoping that he will then see, as it is obvious I can take care of and am perfectly capable of making my own decisions and actions in life - but oh no - will never happen.

it is easy for me to simply go, oh fuck it. Seriously, I can do without this sort o person in my life, WHy allow it.

But I have to realize that we are all one and equal. And even though I find great resistance within me towards even trying more than I have done to allow him to apply common sense and look at why he is allowing himself to be in such separation to all around him , unless you happen to have a dick betwen your legs, I have to face it .Not only do I have to face my own resistance towards it, but also present him with common sense. because if I don´t well who will?
Even if he's nearing his 80's, that is irrelevant. Even though in the past I have tried to avoid it all by saying to myself, well, at his age there´s no way he´ll understand, the systems being soo ingrained - what utter bullshit i realize now.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to separate me from John and in that allowing myself to forget that we are all one and equal

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed and accepted myself to realize that any reactions I have towards John or anyone else is simply reflecting me and what I have allowed and accepted to exist so hence I take responsability for what I have allowed so that I can apply myself in oneness and equality in brutal self honesty in every moment of every breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in any way towards John no matter what and in that actually give my power away to my mind to direct me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that it dosn´t matter anyway, fuck it, since this marriage is over anyway and it´s just a matter of time beore I don´t have to see him again, or at least very rarely knowing full well that this is a point within me I have to come back to unless I direct it effectively in self honesty and in oneness and equality no matter what

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my mind to try and tell me that it is too cringy, embarassing and scary to face anyones system head one

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to actually believe that such a thing as cringy, embarassing and scary actually really exists

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed msyelf to take others feelings into consideration in my process and application and in that allowing myself to forget that actually any feelings thoughts and emotions that might be invoked in that other being is in that case simply their mind CONsciousnesssystem and hence it needs to be treanscended and removed

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to fear anyting or anyone and in that allowing myself to forget that fear simply does not exist - it is all a major mind fuck illusion

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted mysel to think of John as a stuck up, self important, stuck in his ways, annoying, selectively ignorant, selfish, lying, twofaced, deceptive, backstabbing and stubborn old man in that not realizing that for me to see that in another being I have to know of it, so hence he is mirroring me - and that makes me shocked - to really face exatly what I have allowed and accepted to exist

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in creation of human beings behaviours of total separation and in that feel immense shame, regret and sadness

Till here no further:
I do not accept any influences by mind and minds'consciousness sytems as we as ll as one actually have allowed to be created and to exist without realizing that in that separation we have totally and utterly lost control o everything. We are not worthy of being creators. We are not worthy of life. I do not accept mind to have any influence on me what so ever.That is not who I am.
I am life. I am oneness and equality as life as all as one and equal. I direct me. I am here. I am breath. I am

hmm i wonder if that is "empty " now or i I´ve just scratched the surace---since I can even ask that question I suppose it is the latter--------hmmmm